Badges of Story, Not Shame

My body is created, knit together, strong, wonderful, just as it says in the Bible. Yet some days I catch my reflection and don’t recognize my hips. I scrutinize my wrinkles and sun spots, rather than wear them as reminders of laughter and days at the beach. 

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb. Psalm 139:13 ESV

When I sit far too long on the floor with my kids on the floor, I groan, stretch, and wobble up our stairs, instantly fighting back shame and embarrassment. This body that aches is the same one that was paralyzed 5 years ago, the same body that carried my children, and still comforts loved ones. The cellulite and stretch marks that I notice on my stomach could tell the story of carrying children, running and biking long distances, and activity.

As the reflection displays bumps across my hairline that should be covered with a hat or bangs, I push back the feelings of vanity and wear the badge proudly of a woman who survived a brain tumor. 

On the inside we have wounds, scars, aches. They look and feel differently, and are not noticeable to the eye. Words that we were hurt by can be redeemed by God, lies spoken over us uncovered and healed by our Healer. Doubts crushed by faith.

Let us wear our badges with God’s grace and through His eyes. My body is God’s workmanship. Your body is God’s workmanship, FOR A PURPOSE.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 ESV

Now, let us embrace our stories, throw off the shame, and walk in those works…one step at a time.

A Kind Letter is More Difficult Than You Think

We’ve all thought back about what we’d tell ourselves decades before. I know I’d tell myself not to wear those hand me down 80s clothes in the 90s, skip the ratted bangs, baggy Skidz pants, and the oversized Polo shirt.

Jump ahead 10 years from now and I wonder what I would want to tell 40-year-old Virginia. I have always been critical of myself.

I AM WRITING THIS FOLLOWING LETTER SAYING THINGS I NEED TO HEAR RIGHT NOW.

So as I write this, know that I hardly need a reminder that I am saved from my poor choice by grace, and that I daily lay down my tendencies toward people pleasing or anxiety. I am learning to ask Jesus how He sees me and to walk in freedom, and am sharing because I know I am not alone in this.

A kind letter to myself is more difficult than you think.

Dear V,

Beautiful woman of God, you are free. You are forgiven. Stop and let this soak in. Sit in this truth, and don’t just throw a checkmark to the left of it on your to-do list. Stop and celebrate.

Ok, now let’s move on to something big, just because you stepped out of one position doesn’t mean you’re not seeking God or His ways. You are not a failure. You are far from that. You are created in God’s image, His bride. You are another voice to proclaim His love in a world that so desperately needs to not only hear but see His love lived out. God’s ways are higher, and you don’t see all that He is preparing you for. Those moments that flew by in your 30s and now have kingdom impact, only because you don’t stop.

Stay rooted in God’s Word, and live with open hands, eyes open to the faithfulness of God. Girl, (yes, you’re still a little girl), in the midst of the heartache and confusion you may face, don’t forget how God is present. He walks with you. He loves and cares. The moments you feel seen, loved, held “together” and free, that’s just the beginning.

The lies you began to believe in your youth and still creep back in, they are brought down with Truth…don’t stop the fight. The battle is won with our Savior and in His power.

The unknown of homeschooling and frustrations and fears of the entire prospect seem but a passing breeze to the powerful storms of renewal and growth. Don’t freeze in fear, march on.

Don’t become numb to the world’s sadness. Let the tears for the hurting spur you on to action, not send you crying in the corner. Keep going.

The exercise, keep up the exercise. You’ll be glad you did. Those stretches and that healthy food help you jump out of bed much faster every day. Who cares if your pant size doesn’t display the health of your bones and spirit. The worries you have about the dimples and stretch marks is wasted time. You are God’s creation, don’t see yourself as less. You can walk and move (remember when you were paralyzed or had that brain tumor?) Yes, so throw away the scale, wear clothing confidently, and teach your kids what real health looks and feels like.

The time you spent in prayer for each of your children, family member, and friends, that’s what lasts.

Hormones, oh goodness, the hormones and changes in your life, eh, it’s new. Read the books, pray, and just name it and take it on. You’re not going crazy. It’s normal-ish.

Keep spending time with your husband, those energetic kids, your family, and friends. The busy times only slow down when you choose.

Friends, don’t assume they are “too busy”, be a good friend, pursue, encourage, walk with them.

Continue practicing saying no, and don’t fear when it's time to say yes to the bold opportunities God opens up for you. Confidently move forward.

Continue to put down the phone and look those precious ones in the eyes and wrap your arms around them as much as you can. They grow quickly. Those conversations at night and stories retold will be precious memories. This parenting gig is a difficult privilege. Don’t hold back.

God is faithful. You are here for a purpose, march on.

~V

What do you need to remind yourself of right now? Don’t wait 10 years and feel regret. Face it, line it up with God’s Truth and move forward.

Worship on Repeat: I Am Listening

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; Psalm 61:1

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
    the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;
    he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
    your going out and your coming in
    from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 121

Worship on Repeat: I Am No Victim

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Poet at 17

My husband has taken on the challenge to clean out the garage. I don’t spend more time in the garage than to pull bikes or scooters out, after all it is all his stuff, or so I thought. The dusty file cabinet blocking a door opened and my youth flashed before my eyes. Tax documents, resumes, DMV paperwork, owners manuals to some now vintage electronics, and my literature folder from my school years. The yellow folder that made classrooms of children huff and sigh each year as we were required to choose a project and reflect on why we were placing it in our portfolio, brought a smile and joy for the first time.

A silly family from 4th grade slid out and I giggled. Soon the technology changed and I see the WordArt splashed across the front of a book report, each visible line of ink bringing back the noise of the printer buzzing across the page. And then I saw it. I saw my Senior year packet of poetry and a note from my teacher, “You should keep writing poetry! I hope you do. It’s a good vehicle for your voice and vision.”

Gulp.

I remember consuming words without stop at a young age, never getting enough. My numerous journals held my feelings, prayers, and poems from 2nd grade on. I never saw myself as a writer. I still struggle to at times. So here’s a little peek at my 17 year old poem. I’m holding myself back from editing it.

If Eyes Could Talk

If eyes could talk

what would they say?

Would they speak from the person’s

soul

behind them?

Eyes of a baby

simple and true

reflecting the innocence of their

lives

in them.

Eyes of a child

wide and blue

displaying the wonder of their

world

around them.

Eyes of a teen

newly opened

discovering for the first time

real pain

surrounds them.

Eyes of an adult

tired and weary

reflecting happiness and love

in families

with them.

Eyes of the older

sparking content

realizing the joy of their

lives

in them.

Eyes of the world

never closing

forever searching for

peace

within.

Have you kept anything from your youth? What was it?

Worship on Repeat: Abide

Abide

“Maintain unbroken fellowship” (Thayer’s GL)

abide, await, continue, live, remain, wait, stay.

“As for you, the anointing which you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you; but as His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you abide in Him.” I John 2:27

By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. I John 4:13

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. John 15:5

“As for you, let that abide in you which you heard from the beginning If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, you also will abide in the Son and in the Father.” I John 2:24

6 Books You Will Dog Ear & Break The Binding

As you know, we are a home stacked with books. Each room has shelves piled with books. I’ve slowly started to pass books along, but a few favs will stay on our shelves. Here are a few that you may see gracing our van’s passenger seat, or sprinkled with coffee on the kitchen shelf. I’m always bummed when I feel late to the party and don’t hear about a good book. Do you have any favorite reads lately?

Buy on Amazon

Buy on Amazon

The Lies Girls believe series began as a book to women, and then two authors came together to write this to girls. With our pre-teen in the house, this has been a great conversation starter for me. Simple stories that show tension so often encountered in those years, along with the application of God’s Truth, lead to great talks. Budget-wise, you can have great conversations without the guide.

Buy on Amazon

Buy on Amazon

Love Does For Kids is a family favorite that we have listened to in the car and at bedtime. They request it over and over. Simple stories and God’s Truths sprinkled throughout. In Heather Boersma’s Letters From a Big Sister, she has a great ministry to girls and I’m excited to be able to share these letters from Christian women with my girls as they grow.

Buy on Amazon

Buy on Amazon

Alia, she is a friend and writer who penned a beautiful work in Glorious Weakness. Finally, the study by Priscilla Shirer that I continue to read and work through.

Now, it’s your turn. What are you reading?